Night thoughts

Today, I felt irritated at having plans pushed onto me.

But a lovely, albeit tired, boy came to cheer me up. And I was cheered. 

But he was tired. And home he went. And silent the day became. 

Distance. I must endure, because I already had my fair share of time and attention today, so it's really only fair. 

I tried to draw. It was torturous. It did not feel fun. Nor did it feel good. Nothing felt good after that. Nothing felt good tonight. 

So I wrote in my diary. It was a mess. 

I took a shower. I felt slightly better. 

Then I laid in bed. Bad thoughts invaded my mind. 

I read the otome story. It did nothing. Everything still feels bad. 

There is still silence. I am still alone. Not physically, and... Not emotionally either. But I am alone. I feel alone. Everything is empty. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing. 

I am tired of feeling like this. I am tired of feeling insecure. I am tired of feeling ignored. I hate being so sensitive. I hate it all. 

And what's worse, when you look at it objectively, there's really nothing to hate at all.