I don't understand

I really don't understand.

Nothing feels right. Nothing feels right at all.

On some days, like today, I feel like I'm a horrible person who deserves nothing. Reading his blog just reminds me that deep inside, I'm just a piece of shit that deserves nothing.

Then, I think about scheduling and I get overwhelmed. Sit and don't want to do anything type of overwhelmed. I hate life.

Future? Everyone's looking at the future. Planning for their future. Everyone sees something. I see nothing. Nothing. NOTHING.

What is there is life but more pain and misery? What's there to look forward to?

I'm sad. I'm upset. Yet, I don't feel it in my heart. I don't feel it in my head.

I'm sad, and I'm upset. Yet, I feel empty. I don't feel it anywhere.

I feel like a robot going through the motions, but there's no joy in anything anymore. Not even food. Not even sweets and chocolates. There's none.

What have I done to myself? What have I done to him?

Why?

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