I don't want to feel this way

I can't tell if it's a combination of stress from school, work and personal issues, or is there something wrong with me?

I have a strange feeling of apathy to many things recently, and it feels like I'm doing many things for the sake of doing it because school, work or social obligation.

When I sit alone in my room, and I listen to the silence... I feel a strange sort of... Weight. Sadness, almost. Yet at the same time, I feel empty. Ironic, isn't it?

I feel lonely. I lost a friend, and trying to maintain what's left of it feels really draining. I've devoted so much of my free time to doing my part time work, I'm so tired. I've been shuffling up down different houses, I haven't been able to go home with my friends or anything, I miss the warmth of connecting with my friends.

Yes, I have a boyfriend. And I get so much love and affection from him. But I'm missing a warmth from a hug. From him, from my family. I can't find it. I don't understand.

I feel sad. Sometimes, I can feel it well up in my chest. I cry very easily. Yet recently, I don't. And I want to. I want to let it out. I want to just bawl out my eyes, put words to this feeling inside. Release it into the world. I want to twist my chest and squeeze out something. I want to feel something positive. Something other than tired, sad and insecure.

I want to... I don't know. I want to stop complaining. But the alternative seems to be keeping it in, and it really sucks.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how am I supposed to feel. Maybe I'm being over dramatic, maybe I'm being a hypochondriac.

But I can't think. I can't see the future. I can't envision anything. I see nothing.

Even food has lost its fun. Food. What's going on with me?

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