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Showing posts from November, 2019

Not good enough

At the end of the day, I'm really just not enough either. I don't know what to do when he's crying and upset like that. I don't know what to say. I don't want to make things worse. But I can't make things better either.  Why would he feel this way? Why does he not want to live? Why, why, why? I'm sleepy. 

Thinking at night is...

夜に色々なことを考えるのはちょっと悪いな。 All the bad thoughts come out. All the toxic thoughts emerge.  Tonight's episode is brought to you by my drawing insecurity! I had a wonderful day with J. A nice run where he was so patient with my excruciatingly slow pace, a nice lunch that he cooked for me, a lil' nap, some mix brownie baking... It was a wonderful day. I'm glad to have spent it with him. Then came nighttime. I drew something that crossed my mind earlier today, altho not quite how I wanted it, I was pretty happy with the results.  I showed it to him, and... I suppose there was lesser reaction to it, albeit some. I mean, I'm probably being greedy and unreasonable. It's probably just me being insecure and unreasonable.  I don't like feeling like this.  And I think it's a totally different matter from above.  You know, I think I realised something quite a while back, but never really put into words. But I think I'll attempt today.  I love hugging people. Friends, fami...