月の下

I can't tell if it's a combination of stress from school, work and personal issues, or is there something wrong with me? I have a strange feeling of apathy to many things recently, and it feels like I'm doing many things for the sake of doing it because school, work or social obligation. When I sit alone in my room, and I listen to the silence... I feel a strange sort of... Weight. Sadness, almost. Yet at the same time, I feel empty. Ironic, isn't it? I feel lonely. I lost a friend, and trying to maintain what's left of it feels really draining. I've devoted so much of my free time to doing my part time work, I'm so tired. I've been shuffling up down different houses, I haven't been able to go home with my friends or anything, I miss the warmth of connecting with my friends. Yes, I have a boyfriend. And I get so much love and affection from him. But I'm missing a warmth from a hug. From him, from my family. I can't find it. I don't un...

I really don't understand. Nothing feels right. Nothing feels right at all. On some days, like today, I feel like I'm a horrible person who deserves nothing. Reading his blog just reminds me that deep inside, I'm just a piece of shit that deserves nothing. Then, I think about scheduling and I get overwhelmed. Sit and don't want to do anything type of overwhelmed. I hate life. Future? Everyone's looking at the future. Planning for their future. Everyone sees something. I see nothing. Nothing. NOTHING. What is there is life but more pain and misery? What's there to look forward to? I'm sad. I'm upset. Yet, I don't feel it in my heart. I don't feel it in my head. I'm sad, and I'm upset. Yet, I feel empty. I don't feel it anywhere. I feel like a robot going through the motions, but there's no joy in anything anymore. Not even food. Not even sweets and chocolates. There's none. What have I done to myself? What have I done ...