The hunt continues
Almost a year on, and nothing has changed. No, that's not completely true. Nothing about me has changed for the better. I feel more scared, lost and confused than ever. I feel useless and worthless. I feel like there's no future to work towards with the simple reason that I suck. There are no small victories left to relish in on the day to day to keep me going, only a growing pile of failures that sit ominously behind me. Clearly, I'm not attempting to face them at all. When I should, really. Evaluate, reflect, and grow from them. So many mistakes to grow from. But I can't face them. I'm too ashamed. Too ashamed of how imperfect I am, though I am tempted to say how imperfect I have become. But then, I never was perfect to begin with. I guess this is another messy post with no coherence and structure. Just like the way I'm living my life. Lol.